i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
