Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My balls are so social today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we're so committed to being not committed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
