I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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