i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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