Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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