He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
