Plan B is the new Plan A
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i think i just lost a toe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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