Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
