Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
