i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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