We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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