so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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