3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
