that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
