Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
