Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
