I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
