did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
