no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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