i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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