I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
