i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
