I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
