dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
