Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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