Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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