I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you bring me the toilet please
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
