office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
