I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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