so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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