I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
