and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
