We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
