Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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