drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
