when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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