the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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