I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
