Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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