Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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