i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
