I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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