just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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