This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
