My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
