Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
