I cockslap morals
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
