I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
