College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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