You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
